Male Socialization Process

Male Socialization Process

Many people believe that women are more emotionally expressive than men. However, research has shown that at birth, baby boys are actually more emotionally expressive than girl babies.  Yet other research has shown that the mothers of three year old boy toddlers have a much more difficult time understanding the mood state of their male infants than the mothers of three year old girl toddlers. So something goes in on during boys’ socialization process that transforms male infants from emotionally expressive babies to toddlers so stoic that their own mothers struggle to understand what they are feeling.

From three to six years old many boys experience shaming for expressing their needs for dependency. Boys hear the statement “don’t be a momma’s boy”. This shaming has a profound impact on men for the rest of their lives.  From elementary school till their deaths men are less likely than women to seek help of any kind including asking for directions, for help finding an item in store, or more seriously seeking help form emotional or physical concerns.  Help seeking is perceived by many men as a sign of weakness.

While encouraged to be independent many boys and men struggle with acceptable ways of meeting their human needs for dependency. Many boys leave their homes to become adults without permission to express emotions or to ask for help from anyone. No wonder so many young men struggle to find a healthy adult male identity. Many young men equate taking care of one’s health or wellbeing as feminine and something to be avoided. Even older men are reluctant to seek help or medical attention. 

For many men anger is the only “acceptable” emotion for them to express. Frequently male depression goes unnoticed because feelings of sadness, pain and loss are often expressed through anger or aggression.

Other ways in which men strive to “prove” their masculinity is through risk taking or through sexual “prowess”.  Both of these strategies can result in harm to oneself or to others. 

It is clear that we need new definitions of what it means to be a man that will encourage us to lead healthier lives, enable us to experience a wider range of human emotion, be able to develop more intimate and meaningful relationships and learn to resolve conflict constructively.